She was 19 when she got pregnant. She just turned 20 when she gave birth to her child.
He wasn’t planned, she said. More like a pleasant surprise, but something (or someone) that totally changed her life. “You’re dead” were the words her parents told her when they knew she was bearing the child. The guy, 17 or 18 at the time, decided to flee. Apparently, having fun is much more important to him than facing the sober responsibilities the morning after.
When she was in labor, she said the guy’s mom called her. The woman was saying sorry to her. As to why, I’m not sure (not that I don’t have a clue what it’s about but it’s more of “which of those BS” kind of confusion). The guy, she said, didn’t even stand up to her nor held her hand while she was giving birth to their child. Apparently, in this case, the beautiful kid is hers alone.
There came a point when even the guy can’t finish college, hopping from one university to the next like he’s just pushing a reset or restart button thinking things would be okay, and the option of starting again cleanly is always available. He’s now (again) a freshman at a premier university somewhere in the city. If I remember it right, she said it was his third or fourth time now to try. It could have been laudable and bold if the attempts were serious. But, according to her, the guy is in danger of getting expelled again. I didn’t even bother asking for the reasons.
She’s now 22, working late hours at 1 in the morning and going home at 10 am in time for the kid’s wake up time. Never mind the lack of sleep or the subsequent crap she might have dealt with in the office at those ungodly hours. As long as it make ends meet and gives the kid a life that could somehow make the blow of him being a “surprise”, and without a father, softer and more bearable when he starts noticing things soon.
I met her at this social networking app. I thought, at age 22, the things we would talk about would be the parties we go to (and used to go to), the concerts and music festivals we’re planning to attend, the travels we’re still deciding to book flights for, and the (slightly) drunken nights that almost always make for a good laugh. But no. It was something else. More serious and much more personal. I got a hunch when I saw some of her posts with the kid with hashtags #momandson #mybaby. I knew, at the time, it was rude to ask bluntly if the kid was her “kid” but I figured that being sincere will always be a good thing than beating around the bush. So I did, and I got the answer.
Usually, situations like these, like I told my friend, would usually put me off. Like put a wall in front of me and see the person in a (slightly) different perspective, probably in a much more detached one. In this case, however, I got more attached to the point that I deliberately told her that she was amazing by moving on from all of those, all the while making the kid’s life as beautiful as any kid would like to have.
I asked her about her relationship with her parents. She said she has a step dad. I don’t know what happened to her real dad. We haven’t talked about it yet. Her mom, though caring, is now extra protective which is totally understandable. I told her I can see why she’s like that because of what happened when she had her kid.
She agreed, although she lamented that, right now, she wants to show that she’s a better person and that she can handle things better. I agree with her and I agree with her mom, too. Maybe she just needs that right opportunity with the right person to make things right.
“I think if there’ll be a new guy, it’s the guy that should prove to your parents that, this time, things will be alright, not necessarily perfect, but better,” I told her.
This is also the time when I was reading Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov at this milk tea shop near our place that I came along this line. Even if I don’t want to make the connection, it’s hard not to. It’s, in such a way, “fateful”.
“A true act of love, on the other hand, requires hardwork and patience, and, for some, it is a whole way of life.“
Things could have gone better for you. I would have loved to tell her that while we were chatting this afternoon. But as if reading my mind, she said right after that if she’s given a chance again to rearrange her life in retrospect, she would have chosen a better guy but she would still have her kid. She would still have him, even if life hasn’t been that kind to them. Having the beautiful angel, at least, for her, made things a little more bearable.
My admiration and respect for that woman increased a million times over after that chat. People do have amazing stories to tell if we only choose to have more time to get to know them.
One Day 